The big 4-0

So it would seem that I have just days left in my 30s. Heading into 'midlife'... a time defined by extra-marital affairs, sports cars, botox and a renewed love of tanning. I find this both alarming and bewildering - what happened to four decades? How did these years slip past me like that? I just got married last week, didn't I? It doesn't seem that long ago I was getting Strawberry Shortcake dolls for my birthday from a gaggle of girlfriends, or took my mom to see Titanic in the theatre (she totally loved it). It doesn't seem possible, but still, here I am.

Around my birthday, I always flash back to my best and worst birthdays. You would not believe my worst birthdays, but I will say that 16 was pretty awful. And one of the best was 21 - I got front row seats for U2 from my sister. Bono sweat on me. Well, almost. It was near me, anyway.

But alas, the years from 30-40 have been the most memorable. I became a mother, the most crazy wonderful thing I've ever experienced. And I watched my mother die a slow and horrifying death. I said goodbye to all my living grandparents, my aunt within the two years before my mother died, and had my third child days after. But obstacles, stress and fear also lead to growth, and I have learned a few things along the way.

First of all, stop taking yourself so seriously. Not everyone is looking at you. Not everyone cares what size your jeans are or if you have a bad haircut. Further, the people who matter won't ever care. There was a time when I was loathe to wear a swimsuit in public. Never again. It's my body, not yours. It has done amazing things - look at these three humans I grew and fed! You don't have to have had babies to have a remarkable body - everything your body does is amazing. Love it, respect it. Respect yourself.

Second, raise your voice. No one else will raise it for you. If you are concerned about your health and well-being, someone else's health and well-being, or just feel like something is 'right', say so. The flipside of that is, do your homework, be open-minded and work to find solutions wherever you can. Also call bull-shit when you need to.

Third, status is for the unhappy. Ever noticed that friend that is always so worried about getting the promotion, excelling at work, having amazing, top-notch kids? Ever noticed how happy they are? As I look around I realize that status doesn't mean anything at all. Most people don't know what my status is, and the people that matter don't care. My husband drives his first car - a hail-battered Honda Civic. He is often the brunt of the joke. Is he cheap? Not really, he just doesn't care. His car is safe, it runs well and is reliable. It costs him next to nothing. What makes you happy isn't things, or status. It's people and experiences.

The last one is, live in the moment. It's so easy to constantly be looking ahead, planning the next year, or two, or ten... I've spent so much time waiting for the right time, for everything to align. First to get out of grade school, then out of university, find a good job, then to get married, to get pregnant, to pay off the house, the car. It's so easy to forget to enjoy that moment, and truly live. Planning is great, as long as it goes hand in hand with living.

Forty isn't the worst. It comes with some knowledge, more openness to fail, and a certain sense of freedom. I have a feeling the next 40 will be even more interesting. Stay tuned.